Everyone makes choices in life. Some of those choices can affect you in a positive way or a negative way. Santiago had to make some life threatening choices when he was at sea. He decided to fish in an armature boat, to bring aboard limited and unprofessional fishing gear, and to continue his chase for the marlin. When does he start to make these choices? Well, it all started the morning he woke up Manolin to help him prepare for the adventure of his life. The day Santiago woke up Manolin was the day to set off to sea. “They walked down the road to the old man’s shack and all along the road, in the dark, barefoot men were moving, carrying the masts of their boats” (26). The aging fisherman only had a small skiff to sail in. He didn’t like the modern motorboats that people used to fish in. By using a skiff the marlin was able to drag Santiago into uncharted waters, where he would only be able to see a crystal clear blue horizon. If he had a motorboat, he would have had a more fair fight with the great marlin.
Some of Santiago’s supplies happened to be plain fishing line, two albacore, and a bottle of water. The fishing line had a great affect on him. His hands would be devastatingly cramped, which affected his grip of the line. “He rubbed the cramped hand against his trousers and tried to gentle the fingers” (60). When he decided to get some shut eye, the marlin started to swim incredibly quickly, and the fishing line cut his hand. Santiago tried to treat his hand, but he didn’t have the right medical necessities to do so. After this event, the old man knew that the marlin wasn’t going to let him get any rest.
When Santiago got a bite on the line, he wasn’t going to let it get away from him with eighty-four days of being unlucky. “He felt the light delicate pulling and then a harder pull when a sardine’s head must have been more difficult to break from the hook.” (42). When he realized how far away from shore he was, he had finally grasped the marlin. He tried to get back to shore as quickly as he could without the sharks catching a scent of the marlin’s blood. Unfortunately, the sharks showed up, and ate most of his award. Santiago afterwards knew that he shouldn’t have decided to go out as far as the marlin pulled him.
All of us look back and wish that we could change what we have done. Santiago felt the same way after he returned from shore reflecting his journey to Manolin. Manolin gave him some encouraging words to raise his spirit. Some times we do things at the spur of the moment, and we don’t think about why we did certain things when you can’t change what has already happened. We can’t alter the past, but we can control the future.
Everyone makes choices in life. Some of those choices can affect you in a positive way or a negative way. 
12 comments:
Rachael, i think your essay was very good. it included a lto of detail rom the book. your thesis statement was makig choices. Santiago had made good and bad choices. and in each paragraph you include detail to explin whether he should have made the choice or not. of all the quotes, i thought this was the best,“He rubbed the cramped hand against his trousers and tried to gentle the fingers” . i think it is the strongest because it shows everyne that Santiago did suffer throughout his journey.
i think your essay is well organized. everything is put in the right spot and has good detail. i have no suggestions for your next essay.i think you are a very good writer.
Your thesis is clear and concise, and you had lots of voice in your essay. Your strongest example was about Santiago’s boat. You quoted correctly, and explained the quote. Also, that example had the most voice. Your essay was well organized and had all the basics to its structure. All your quotes were present too.
The best line that you had that I liked was, “Some times we do things at the spur of the moment, and we don’t think about why we did certain things when you can’t change what has already happened. We can’t alter the past, but we can control the future.” Not only is there voice, but it makes a lot of sense. It also tells one of the themes.
My only advice is to check your grammar. There were some words missing, making the sentences incomplete, but still readable. Also, your concluding paragraph should be elaborated upon, but that’s all. Good job.
Rachael, this is a very good essay. Your thesis was very clear and focused. It gives a little taste of the essay without giving too much away. I think that your strongest quote is the third one. It fits very nicely into the context and you explained it well. I think your best overall paragraph is the second one about the boat. It was well written and explained. It has the strongest arguements and you took full advantage of that.
I think the best trait would be the detail. You explained everything very thoroughly. You didn't leave the reader wondering about anything.
I think that, if anything, you should make your third paragraph strogner. At first, I was a little confused about the meaning of the paragraph. You might want to start it out a little bit stronger. All in all, it was a really good essay!!
RACHAEL!!
Your essay is really good. Your thesis statement, "He decided to fish in an armature boat, to bring aboard limited and unprofessional fishing gear, and to continue his chase for the marlin." was very clear and straight forward. The introduction was really well written. I think your second quote, “He rubbed the cramped hand against his trousers and tried to gentle the fingers” was really good, and it flowed in the paragraph really nicely. Your essay is really organized and you used a good word choice. I don't really have any suggestions, so Great Job!!
Hey Rachael.
I really liked your thesis statement. It was clear and led me right into the rest of the essay. I think that your first quote was great. You incorporated it into the paragraph very nicely and it didn't stop the flow of the essay. Your organization in the essay was fantastic! When I read essays, I don’t enjoy having to read everything over and over again. You did a great job changing things up without taking away from your writing abilities. The only thing I would suggest is to go back and check your grammar. Great job!
Rachael, your essay was great. Your thesis statement was “He decided to fish in an armature boat, to bring aboard limited and unprofessional fishing gear, and to continue his chase for the marlin.” It was clear and nicely written. I think that the last quote flowed the best and stood out because it was the best incorporated with your work. I think the best part was the conclusion. I really liked the last sentence a lot “We can’t alter the past, but we can control the future.” I don’t have any suggestions to make, good job.
Rachael, your essay was great! I thought your thesis had good voice, and it was very clear. I think your best example was the boat. It was ultimately the most important decision, and elaborated really well on it. I like how well you described it. In your essay, I think you had a good word choice. You described really well, without using simple words the whole time. I really can't think of any advice to you for your next essay. Just change the font color, because it was hard to read! Otherwise, great job!
Hey Rachel,
Nice essay. I think that your thesis statement had to do with choices that had to be made. I think that it was clear and engaging.
The strongest quotation was “They walked down the road to the old man’s shack and all along the road, in the dark, barefoot men were moving, carrying the masts of their boats” (26). I think this prepared the reader for what you were saying.
What this essay does well is langauage used. "By using a skiff the marlin was able to drag Santiago into uncharted waters, where he would only be able to see a crystal clear blue horizon."
The advice that I would give is to go over your essay and fix the remaing mistakes. But, I thought this essay was excellent.
I really liked your essay.
Your thesis was very well put -- both clear and consise and you can easily distinguish it from the rest of the essay.
I think the best quote was They walked down the road to the old man’s shack and all along the road, in the dark, barefoot men were moving, carrying the masts of their boats” (26) because you explained it very well afterwards.
There was a lot of detail and voice in your essay, and I really enjoyed reading it.
I don't think I could suggest anything for you to change.
Hello Rachael!!!!!
I really liked your essay! It was so true and your word choice was very convincing. I think your thesis was that we all go through difficult choices, and sometimes make stupid descions. Just like Santiago. Your thesis was very well written and kept me wanting to read your essay
I think you strongest quote was, “They walked down the road to the old man’s shack and all along the road, in the dark, barefoot men were moving, carrying the masts of their boats” (26)". You had a lot of sentences leading up to this quote that made sense for this quote to fit in! I also liked this quote because it was engaging and is not like other people's quotes that they chose!
I think the part in your essay that you talk about the old man making the choice to go out to sea, " The aging fisherman only had a small skiff to sail in." This paragraph in your essay was really good!!
The only advice i can give is maybe write a little bit more in the conclusion. Other than that...GREAT JOB!!!
wow rachael
that sounded pretty deep. your thesis statement was very clear and i understood everything you were talking about. my favorite part of your story was probably he conclusion. it was written very well and was a great way to end an essay. you used a lot of description. i could practically picture what you were saying in my head. your essay was perfect. no advice from me today. great job!
Rachael, I may have read the thesis statement before, but it was still great. Everything just flowed in that first paragraph. My favorite quote would have to be, “They walked down the road to the old man’s shack and all along the road, in the dark, barefoot men were moving, carrying the masts of their boats” (26). It shows how little their equiptment is compared to today.He may not have liked it, but it would have helped. My only real advice to you would be grammar, I can't really see anything thing else, so really good job!!
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