Santiago was a smart, old man who knew how to fish, but made some bad choices on his fishing trip. He first made the verdict to not bring food, and only water. His next choice was to stay with the fish. Then, in my opinion, it was pretty bad judgment not to bring the boy, or at least have the boy’s boat close by in case he caught anything. These were his decisions and there were some consequences to his actions. In the beginning of the story Santiago prefers not to bring any food along. He brings only his water and he says he gets bored with eating, and never brings a lunch anymore. This choice to not bring any lunch weakens him. The old man needs all his strength to fight the marlin, and he has little, because he has nothing to eat. The old man shows his stupidity of not bringing anything when he says to the fish, “You should have brought many things, he thought. But you did not bring them, old man” (110). This shows that even the best can mess up, but he probably learned from his mistake for next time.
Soon after making the decision to stay with the fish, it causes Santiago to get tired and hungry. It shows when the old man is tired when he asks the fish, “ ‘Now let me get through the eating of this dolphin and get some rest and a little sleep’ ” (79). When he stayed with the fish, the marlin kept bringing him out further and further into the sea. The fish kept pulling, and pulling for three days and never gave up. The old man just asks for a little time to rest, so he can continue the fight for their lives.
The boy and the old man are best friends. I was surprised that Santiago didn’t ask the boy to come on the trip with him. He could have really used the help with the marlin, and someone to talk to. He admits he misses the boy when he says, “ ‘I wish I had the boy’ ” (45). This shows he really does miss the boy, and needs all the help he can get. If he had chosen to ask the boy to come along, he may have caught the great marlin fish.
The old man was smart, but he did make some mistakes. The result to not bring food caused him to get weak and delirious. The determination to stay with the marlin was an adventure, but with out any help he got tired and hungry, and he got nothing out of it but a good story to tell. The lack of companionship and help was the outcome of the old man’s final choice of not bringing the boy. The old man saw his wrong actions, but still won in the battle with the marlin.
14 comments:
Anna, good job!!
There really wasn't one clear thesis sentence. It was more presented over the course of the introduction. You might want to make your thesis more pronounced. The first quote was my favorite. It works the best with the paragraph and it makes your arguement stronger. I think your conclusion was the best though. It really closed the open-ends and ended the essay on a strong note. You summed up your essay nicely. "The old man saw his wrong actions, but still won in the battle with the marlin."
To make the essay stronger, you could work on your thesis statement. It really wasn't clear at all. Also, your word chioce could make been better. Other then that it was really good!!!
Hey Anna,
I thought that this essay was great! It was clear that it's thesis was the coices that the old man had to make. It is focused. I thought that it engaged me because it was clear and it drew me in. I like the language that was used.
The strongest quotation was “You should have brought many things, he thought. But you did not bring them, old man” (110). The reason why I thought that this was the strongest was because it fit the best to what you were saying.
One thing that this essay does well is it's organization. An example of this is "Soon after making the decision to stay with the fish, it causes Santiago to get tired and hungry." This organizes and starts off the paragraph and thought well.
I thought this was a very well written story. My only advice would be to read it over once more.
ANNA!!
I agree with Julia, the thesis wasn't clear because it was spread out over the introduction. You should have combined the choices to make one sentence. The first quote was probably the strongest because it gave a good example of what you were arguing. The quotes flow pretty smoothly. I liked the quote “You should have brought many things, he thought. But you did not bring them, old man” because it was nicely incorporated. I think you should add more detail and fix your word choice. Use words that are catching.(but i know you so...) Other than those things, Nice Job!!
Heyyy Anna, great essay.
Your thesis, "Santiago was a smart, old man who knew how to fish, but made some bad choices on his fishing trip." Was very direct, and it got right to the point. I thought your best quote was ‘Now let me get through the eating of this dolphin and get some rest and a little sleep’(79). because it showed how unprepared he was an it really backs up your argument. I think the best part about your essay was how easily it all flows together and it was easy to read. over all I'd say it was awesome!
Hey Annaa :]
Good job on your OMS essay! I agree with Julia and Sam that your thesis statement could have been a little more compact, but otherwise, your intro paragraph was good. It had everything it needed and introduced your essay very well. I loved your first quote. “The old man shows his stupidity of not bringing anything when he says to the fish, “You should have brought many things, he thought. But you did not bring them, old man” (110). This shows that even the best can mess up, but he probably learned from his mistake for next time.” I completely agree and thought it was a good choice to backup your thoughts on the subject. You have a great voice in this essay along with some great vocab choices. I think that changing your essay’s intro paragraph would be my only suggestion.
ANNA!!!! Nice essay. Your thesis statement consisted of the choices the old man and to make. It was a little unclear and sort of hard to understand. I like your first quote and I think that one stood out the most, because iyou were able to express it the most. I think your conclusion was the best part, and pulled the essay together in the end “The old man saw his wrong actions, but still won in the battle with the marlin.” Next time I would suggest that you work a little harder on the thesis statement, but there wise I loved reading your essay.
I really like your essay. I like what you wrote about and how you organized it into the format. I think the strongest part of your essay was your conclusion. It ended the essay really well. It restated your ideas well without coping the first paragraph.
I also think that the quotes that you used were incorporated into your essay well and they fit. I think overall your essay was really good. Nice Job.
I really like your essay. I like what you wrote about and how you organized it into the format. I think the strongest part of your essay was your conclusion. It ended the essay really well. It restated your ideas well without coping the first paragraph.
I also think that the quotes that you used were incorporated into your essay well and they fit. I think overall your essay was really good. Nice Job.
Anna,
You made some very good points in your essay, but you didn't support them as well as I know you can. Your thesis was clear but your examples weren't. Your strongest example was probably the first, but your second was confusing and jumbled. You had some good word choice but over all it was boring. Next time, try to make it a little stronger and clearer.
Hearts!
Good job Anna. I agree with Julia, there wasn't really a very clear thesis statement. Your thesis was mostly explained throughout the introduction paragraph. However, it does a good job of telling us what the essay will be talking about. The third quote was my favorite. Without saying much, it seems to be saying tons. That one quote is repeated many times throughout the book, and holds meaning. Also, the way you incorporated it into the essay was good. Your essay has really strong organization. Each paragraph has a specific reason for being there, and is in an order that works. Also the quote "The old man saw his wrong actions, but still won in the battle with the marlin." I like this quote because it seemed to really sum up the entire essay really well.
To make your essay stronger, one thing you could change is to increase the clarity of your thesis statement. I think the introductory paragraph would be a lot stronger. Overall your essay was amazing!
Anna, your essay was really good! I thought your thesis was clear, but it was a couple sentences instead of one. I thought your best example in the essay was the choice to go out to sea, getting pulled by the marlin. You really explained it well, and it was a very supportive example in your essay. I thought you really organized this nicely, letting each example flow from one to the next. Next time, I would work on a better voice, and word choice. But keep up the good work!
Anna
The thesis clearly states the topic of the essay, and leads it into a discussion about Santiago’s choices. It could be a little more engaging, but it’s not bad. The strongest example you have is the first one. Your quote fit in perfectly with your point and shows that the Santiago takes responsibility for his mistakes. This paragraph was the best because it was well organized and thought out.
A point that this essay does well with is organization; it introduces each point in the introduction and carries out the idea in a strong way in the supporting paragraphs. This “He first made the verdict to not bring food, and only water,” is a quote in the introduction that shows what the first supporting paragraph will be about. My advice for your next work is to try different lengths in sentences, and mix it up a little bit. Otherwise, great job !
Anna,
I thought you did a great job. It was clear that your thesis was about the choices that Santiago made for his trip. It caught my attention because you mentioned parts of the story in the introduction. “You should have brought many things, he thought. But you did not bring them, old man” (110). I think that this was the best quote in the essay because you mentioned in the beginning how he could have used the boy and food supplies. It shows where in the story he realizes that he made a big mistake about the choices he made. I think that your conclusion was the best of all becuase it ended off on a great note. "The old man saw his wrong actions, but still won in the battle with the marlin".
I would suggest that you check over your grammer. Fantastic Job!
hey anna
i really thought that your thesis statement was very clear and focused. i thought you used great description and great word usage. my favorite quotation was probably the first. i thought the best part of your story was the beginning. you had a very string intro. i thought you essay was really good and i dont really have any advice to give to you. great job!
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