On their way to work they went that Monday,
Oblivious to what they would become,
The most infamous event, some say—
Something we wanted to stay away from.
Time seemed to stand still for an hour or so,
Our economic metropolis,
Stood frozen, as if crafted by Van Gogh,
retaining an unfamiliar darkness.
This tragedy affected us greatly,
We now seem to be a brand new nation,
with old ways only remembered faintly,
and a new feeling of trepidation.
This one day will never be forgotten,
But this was the lowest point we have been.
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6 comments:
Sean, this poem was extremly intreging. I really liked it, it flowed smoothly. It made me repicture the event that I had withnessed on the T.V. screen that day. I noticed though that there were some mistakes, some of your lines had a wrong amount of sylabols. Also the last two lines didnt seem to have a flowing rhyme. But other then that it seemed good.
Good poem remembering 9/11. I thought the ideas were rich and brought me back to 2001 when the tragic event occured. Unfortunatelt I realized two problems with the poem:
1.The last two lines could have rhymed a little bit better. I got the feeling that the last lines were a little more like GH format and not GG. Nut other thn that the rhymes were very nice.
2.On two occcasiones the syllabelles were incorrectly formatted.
Inthe end the poem is very nicely written. Congratulations on a great Poem
well sean this is a really good poem. You used great vocabulary in your work of art. It was a great topic. It really flowed well to go with the event that took place that very very harsh day.
that comment above is by Richy Werenski
Sean, i thought that your poem had great rhime scheam. It made me remeber the horible events that happened on that dreadful day. the rhyming at the begining of the poem was strong but it was a little weak at the end.
hi, sean! i'm an english teacher who is just a fan of poetry. i just wanted to say that i loved this - it gave me chills when i read it. thanks for sharing it! :)
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