Lily Groven was seventeen, and was living just outside of
Greg had been Lily’s best friend since his mother started working for her mother. Greg started going to Lily’s school on a scholarship sophomore year. He was always getting into fights because he was different. He didn’t grow up like the rest of these kids, his family lived a good life, they weren’t poor, but they were nothing like Lily’s family. They found that out at the end of senior year, when Greg felt like he was about to lose everything.
“Lily, honey, Callie, Dave, and Greg will be here any minute, you might want to some note paper, pens, and highlighters out of the hall closet so that you guys can study!” Lily’s mom Laura yelled from her office where she was coming up with new recipes for her bakery.
“Right mom,” Lily said with a tint of sarcasm to her voice. She knew that there was no way that they were going to get any studying done. They would be having her mother’s double chocolate cake, and talking about how much trouble they would all be in if they failed their finals.
Within a half hour all three of Lily’s friends were now in her living room with their school books not even close to being opened. Greg seemed to be acting weird all night though, but Dave and Callie were acting more suspicious than usual. Greg kept looking over to the table were they had all put down their books. Callie and Dave kept looking at Dave’s bag. Lily knew that Greg was scared about finals and the risk of failing them, but she could not figure out why Dave and Callie were acting so weird.
“Hey guys do you think that we could maybe study for a while.” Lilly asked looking over at Greg.
“I will,” Greg said. Callie and Dave looked at each other and then looked back at Greg and Lily.
“I have a better idea, and we wouldn’t even have to open a book,” Dave said with a smile, “My brother’s both took the chemistry final. Mike took it two years ago and Conner took it last year. It hasn’t changed one bit. So, I thought that if we really needed to pass these finals we could use the answers.”
“NO way,” Greg said, almost yelled, “I have everything to lose, if we even get caught or if someone gets suspicious, I could be expelled. I mean I know that I have gotten in trouble before with fighting and all, but I only got out of getting suspended because I had such good grades.”
“See we knew that you could get in trouble, well we could all get in trouble, but that is why we won’t all have the same answers. Based on how we are doing in this class that is how many we will get wrong,” Dave said pulling an envelope out of his backpack.
“I have to get close to a C, you and Lily can get almost perfect scores, and Dave can just get like a B or something,” Callie said smiling at her self.
“Well, as long as you guys are sure that we won’t get caught,” Greg said.
Lily knew that nothing good could come out of this, something bad was going to happen or someone wasn’t going to fallow the plan. She w\would have never guessed how it would turn out. She studied that test front and back about 20 times that night. She kept repeating to herself, a, b, a, c, d, and so on. She was nervous out of her mind and had no idea how she was going to get through the test.
The next morning she went to pick up Greg early. She was in her car going over the answers to the test and Greg came running down the stairs and looked like he has been up all night. They were early for school so they decided that they would drive around and go over the answers to the test.
“I think that we should be alright, as long as we don’t have the same answers to the test,” Lily said with a laugh, but they would so find out that it wasn’t funny.
They walked into the chemistry lab and within two minutes of sitting down the teacher passed out the exam. Throughout the whole test Greg and Lily kept looking over at each other as nervous as possible. Lily had the worst feeling in the pit of her stomach. Greg knew that if something happened to Lily she could always get out of it, but he had been at the risk of getting expelled because of his fights, and now he felt like it could really happen.
The next day they were all seated around a table in the chemistry lab, and a beep came over the loud speaker.
“Would Lily Groven and Greg Warren please come down to the vice principle’s office,” the voice said.
The walked down and didn’t say one word to each other, of their palms were sweating and Greg knew that he was done; he was going to have to leave this school, his friends, and Lily. Something had happened and neither of them knew how. Greg could spot the image of the vice principles face from going through his head. She would be so disappointed. He hadn’t studied at all, had no idea was going to happen unless he opened the door.
They walked up to the door, and opened it, but instead of the principle being upset and having a sad look on her face, she was smiling.
“Would you two come in please I have some college’s that are interested in you both,” the vice principle said. She told how proud she was that the two of them had done so well on their finals. She showed them there tests and Lily right away spun around to look at Greg. Greg had gotten a B+ on his. She knew that Greg hadn’t looked at the answers. She was so excited and so happy. Everything had turned out ok and Lily knew that she would never take the risk of taking answers again.
10 comments:
Katie-
I thought that your story was great. I loved the plot of your story because things like that happen a lot, so it was cool to read about it. You did a really good job describing how intense the test session was, so I remember that part the most. I think that the main character Lily, did change over the story because in the beginning, she was practically perfect, and she would do anything to pass the test, but at the end, I think that she felt guilty about cheating.
My favorite part of the story was the resolution because I was so happy that they didn’t get into any trouble. My favorite part was, “They walked up to the door, and opened it, but instead of the principle being upset and having a sad look on her face, she was smiling.” I enjoyed it because I thought that they were going to be in trouble for cheating, but instead, they were being praised. It was like a twist in the story, so I thought it was cool.
Overall, I really liked your story. The best features were the story arc because it was very specific which points represented which point in the story. For example, “The next day they were all seated around a table in the chemistry lab, and a beep came over the loud speaker,” represents the climax. However, for the future, maybe try reading your story out loud to yourself to catch the minimal spelling and grammar mistakes. But overall, awesome job!
Katie, your story is great. I like the whole idea of your story because i find it to be really realistic. i think you used good, rich description and that helped your story a lot. i can relate to your story because i have been in the same siuation as Lily and Greg.
i think my favorite part of the story was the ending. It was a reliefe that they didn't get in trouble, and Lily learned that cheating is always unessicary. i can picture the part when they are on there way to the principles office and how they are feeling.
i loved youyr story katie and keep up the good work!
Katie, i really liked your story. It reminded me of being in school and taking all kinds of tests. The main characters change over time because they go from not cheating on tests to cheating well Greg does not.
My favorite part of the story was when Greg got a good grade without cheating. It showed that he did not have to cheat in the first place. I think the best quality is the conflict. One piece of advice however that i would give you would be to check you spelling and word choice. Overall Great Job.
Katie-
Your story was really good. I was immediately drawn into it after reading the first paragraph. I could pictured the main character, a perfect student, and when it talked about her getting expelled I wanted to find out what happened. The story made me think about the type of people who get expelled, and how usually, they're not perfect students. I think the change that the main character went through was going from a person who was willing to cheat, to a person who doesn't. This is important to the story, because by the end, the main character realized how cheating could have ruined her life.
"She studied that test front and back about 20 times that night. She kept repeating to herself, a, b, a, c, d, and so on. She was nervous out of her mind and had no idea how she was going to get through the test." I like this part because it shows the feeling of the main character as she does something wrong, that may affect the rest of her life. I believe that overall, the best part of the story is how you keep the reader interested, and make them care about what is happening. In the future, I think you should read and edit your story out loud, so you catch all the mistakes. Great Job!
Katie,
I think your story was awesome. I really wanted to keep reading after only like the first sentence. You were extremely descriptive. My favorite part of the story was when the two friends were called down tot the principles office. I really thought that they were going to be in huge trouble. One thing I can remember well is the little study group at Lily’s house.
I think that throughout the story Lily gets more nervous when it comes time to takes the test. I also think her self esteem went down, and she didn’t believe in herself anymore.
“NO way,” Greg said, almost yelled, “I have everything to lose, if we even get caught or if someone gets suspicious, I could be expelled. I mean I know that I have gotten in trouble before with fighting and all, but I only got out of getting suspended because I had such good grades.” That was my favorite lines of the story because I kept thinking they were going to do it and get caught and get expelled.
Next time I think you could add a little more detail into your story. But overall I think you did a good job.
Kp,
i loved your story. whoa i got nervous when they sadi there names over the speakers. i thought they would get cought. you had really got detail and description. Even i felt nervous fo them while reading your story.
lily sort of changed throughoput your story. she looked at the answer thinking it would make everything better. but reallyly it added more stress. they worry of getting cought. and in the end she said she would never sheat again.
my favortie part was when they got called down to the office it was every suspensful. THey only thing i would change is maybe descride a little more when they were taking the test. but other than that great job KP!
Kp-
Great story! I thought it had a really good plot, and it was really interesting to read.
I think that Greg didn’t change though the story, because he had to stand up for what he believed in-not cheating. This was really important, because he had everything to lose, and doing it would not have been smart.
My favorite part of the story was when they went into the vice principles office-“ They walked up to the door, and opened it, but instead of the principle being upset and having a sad look on her face, she was smiling.” It was a suspenseful moment, and I think that you wrote it really well.
I think the best quality of the story was the characters. You described them all really well.
One piece of advice I would give would be to describe more about how the characters were feeling about cheating on the final. Good job kp!
katie,
I think your essay was really well written. you did a good job in the beginning when you say that no one would ever think she'd be at the risk of getting expelled. That was a great hook becuase it made me want to keep reading and find out why she could be expelled. I think that your character doesn't really change much. In the beginning she is opposed to cheating, and in the end she says she will never do it agian. My favorite part of the story was when Greg gets a B+ on his test, becuase it would have been sad if she had gotten into a college, when she could've just payed to get in if she had gotten a bad grade, but he wouldn't be able to do that."Greg had gotten a B+ on his. She knew that Greg hadn’t looked at the answers." I think that your best quality was how you were able to hook the reader into your story. If I could suggest anything I would say that you should re-read you essay after you have written it. I noticed a few spelling and grammar mistakes, but other than that your story was awesome!
Katie,
Your story was very good! I loved the conflict in it because thats a problem students have to deal with every day. The image that I had most in my head was when Lily and Greg were taking the test. I think you described that scene the best.
"Throughout the whole test Greg and Lily kept looking over at each other as nervous as possible."
This was my favorite part of the story and it occured in the rising action.
Lily didn't really make a big change throughout the story but she did learn how big the risk was that she was taking. She learned how much trouble she could have been in and she realized how serious cheating can be.
I think the best quality of the story is the plot. It kept the reader intersted. Next time, you might consider adding more to the beginning, introducing Callie and Dave more.
Great Job!
Katie I really like your story. Throughout the story I was thinking of how much trouble the students were going to be in but in the end it didn't matter anyways. I don't think the main character changed throughout the story but I think if she had then she would've cheated on her finals with her friends instead of studying. My favorite part of the story was the ending because I thought it was a really strong and exciting ending. I bvelieve that one your stories best qualities was that it was really suspenseful and made me want to read more. I don't think anything needs to be changed in your story but there was a few spelling errors. I really liked your story Katie!
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