Thursday, January 31, 2008

The Boy’s Last Confession by Anna R.

I wake up sweating underneath my bed covers. I hear the noise again that has woken me up. I swing my legs over the side of the bed, and slip into my slippers. The noise starts to get louder as I take each step towards the door. I feel I am sweating once more as I reach my hand forward towards the door. I clasp the handle and turn it. The door makes a squeaking noise as I pull it towards me. I look out onto the forest. I can see no one on this dark and foggy night. I check one more time before I come to the conclusion that I was tired and it was making me hear things. I close the door and turn around and there it is, on the table, the knife that will haunt me forever.

After a few moments of staring at it, I decide to reach out and grasp the handle. I bring it down to my side and look around the kitchen to see how it could have gotten there. I am puzzled. I thought to my self that nothing can just appear out of nowhere. Someone must have put it there, and that means someone is in the house. I started to panic. With the knife held high I start walking around the house, trying to find the culprit. It takes a total of fifteen minutes for me to search the house. I found no one.

“Hello is anybody there!” I call out to the open house. “If you don’t leave I will call the police right now!” Still I received no answer. I guess I must have left the knife there and I can’t remember it, I thought. I concluded that I was going crazy, so I threw the knife in a drawer, and walked up the towering stairs to my bedroom. I jumped right into my bed, and turned to my side to look at the green glowing digital clock on my night stand. It was 5:00am, this little night escapade cost me an hour of my sleep. Since I had to wake up in only thirty minutes I unwillingly got back out of the bed. Man, what a morning this was turning out to be.

As the hot water poured on my face, I lost the thought of the knife and was only thinking of the presentation I had to make at work. I felt refreshed after the shower, even if it was only for a second. I still had to get stuff ready for my presentation, and I couldn’t find my lucky pen. I looked everywhere for it. The last place that was left to look was drawer with the knife. I hesitated a little, but I remembered I had to find my pen. I pulled the drawer open. There was good news and bad news. I found my pen no problem. The bad news was the knife was gone. I spun around as quickly as I could. There, in the same place as it had been previously, was the knife.

I felt like I was going to be sick. This was not normal for a knife to do this. Maybe, I thought, this was the workings of a ghost. It could be true. Nobody ever proved there were no such things as ghosts. Most people just didn’t believe in them. This was my only conclusion besides a mass murderer hiding in my cupboard just trying to freak me out. Somehow, I thought it was more plausible to have a ghost then a mass murderer after me. I thought of all the ghost shows I’ve seen, and the most logical answer that kept coming into my head was to free the ghost from what ever was keeping it from the after life.

I jumped on the computer to scan for any recent deaths in the area. Nothing popped out at me that could have been the murder. I then started to look for not so recent deaths. I saw the perfect murder. The article said:

Just yesterday afternoon in a small town called Boxboro, a young male has been found dead. His name was Jim Groundswell. Police found his body lying on a table, having been stabbed multiple times. There was an investigation on this murder, and girlfriend, Jenny Hinkle, has been charged with murder and awaits the trial………

Everything started to make since. The knife, the table, it was all linked to this murder. I had to think of a plan. I had to free this ghost, or it will haunt me forever.

“Jim!” I called out into my house,”I know you are there. Why are you haunting me? Are you trying to tell me something? Please explain these things, maybe I can help you.” All of a sudden it got cold; it was as if I went right into the Artic weather. I turned around to face the table, and there sitting on it was a young man. “Jim?” I asked. The figure nodded its head up and down. “What do you want me to do? How can I help you move on?”

He started to open his mouth. I could hear a faint word coming through his mouth. Jenny……” I then realized he was talking about his girlfriend that had killed him.

“What do you want with Jenny? Isn’t she the one that killed you?” His head started to shake from left to right. I finally understood, she didn’t kill him, but if she didn’t who did.

As if he was reading my mind he said, “I did.”

With those last words he disappeared. My guess was that all he needed to do was clear his girlfriend’s name. He wanted to die without the guilt of someone, who he loved, taking the blame for what he did. I thought it was sweet of what he did. I was now happy for him that he could move on. I only thought about it for a minute though, because I was sprinting out the door to work.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Whoa!
That was a good story anna!!!
The plot was interesting and well-written. Word choice and structure was amazing. I love the introduction. It was really descriptive and flowed nicely. If anything, I would add morea bout what happened after the boy disappeared. And the girl didn't seem freaked out by the fact that there was a ghost talking to her. You might want to add more of her actions at that point, like was she taken aback or more interested.

Good job!!! It was really amazing

Anonymous said...

Anna,
Your story was great. It made me think about a ghost show that I watch called Ghost Hunters. The one object that I remember from your story is the knife in the drawer. I think your main character in the story changes because in the beginning they thought that it was their imagination or they were dreaming. I would say that it is important that they changed because she now has opened her mind more.
My favorite part in the story occured in the climax because when the knife dissapeared you don't know who or what took it. "I pulled the drawer open. There was good news and bad news. I found my pen no problem. The bad news was the knife was gone. I spun around as quickly as I could."
I would say the best strength of the story would be the story arc because the rising action was great with the girl finding the knife and the climax where the knife was missing from her drawer. Next time I would suggest that you look at how you worded some parts of your story, so it makes more sense. Fantastic job Anna!

Anonymous said...

First off this was a great story. I thought it was wierd how the knife kept reappearing. It doesn't really make me believe in ghosts or anything like that. THos story made me think about how ghosts aren't real. The main character really doesn't change through the story. There is no reason for the person to change. Nothing is wrong with her, she is just being haunted by a ghost to tell the truth. My favorite part is when She puts the knife in the drawer, and it comes out again. I think the storys best trait is that it has a whole story arc. Advice to put out is to add more description.

Anonymous said...

HEY ANNA!!
Your story was amazing. I made me think of different ghost movies I’ve seen before. I remember the image of the knife sitting on the table. In the beginning of your story your character was paranoid and thinking that there was someone out to kill them, but in the end the narrator realizes it’s a ghost becomes more clam.
My favorite part was when the ghost appeared in the rising action. “All of a sudden it got cold; it was as if I went right into the Artic weather. I turned around to face the table, and there sitting on it was a young man.” This stood out to me because I thought it had good detail, and in all movies I’ve ever seen with some ghost in it, it always get cold. I think the strength of your story was the conflict because it was the most detailed part. Next time I would work on your wording some parts were a little confusing, but other than that it was great!

Anonymous said...

Wow Anna that was great! I don't usually enjoy ghost stories, but this was a really good one! I enjoyed the plot and I think it was a really well-written piece. Your character development flowed nicely and I enjoyed hearing their thoughts about what was happening. She went from being the scared character to the strong and bold ghost catcher.
My favorite part of the story would have to be the ending. I thought it was sweet that your character decided to help the ghost that had been scaring her move on. Overall, I think your plot was the strongest and if I had to suggest anything, I would suggest looking at your word choice.

Anonymous said...

Hey Anna!!
I really loved your story. It was so intriguing that I didn't want it to end. The plot was really well-written and you put just enough description.
My favorite part was the beginning because you described every little thing your character did. It helped me to put a clear image in my mind. Another great thing I noticed was your word choice. It was really good, and knowing you it is really really good.
I would definitely expand the conclusion. Although you ended it well, I though I was left hanging. Overall, your story was very intriguing and very descriptive. Great Job!!!

Anonymous said...

Holy cow!
That was an amazing story! I was really impressed that you got me so involved with the story. Your word choice made me feel like I was the character being chased by that ghost. The plot was rich and I thouroughly enjoyed reading it.
Way to go, Anna!

Anonymous said...

Wow Anna, that story was amazing! Throughout the whole thing I was going insane trying to figure out what was going to happen next. At first I thought that the person was going to kill somebody. But I thought that it was really cool how you incorporated ghosts into the story. I would've never thought of that.
I also thought that it was really cool how the person main character went from being scared to trying to trying to help the ghost. I think my favorite part of the story was when the main character figured out what was happening. It was really beginning to freak me out, and I thought that the ghost and the suicide was a really cool way to resolve what was happening.
I think that the best part of the story was all of the descriptions. I felt like I was actually there, watching and experiencing what was happening with the main character.
Next time, I would try to incorporate some more detail on what happened in your conversation with the ghost. I would've liked to hear more of that conversation.
Overall this was an amazing story and I am really glad that I got to read it.

Anonymous said...

hey anna,
Your story was really good! This story made me think about a murder mystery or a C.S.I. episode. Your character changed because at the end, she began to accept reality and that something was happening with the knife. If she didn't, the murder wouldn't have been solved. My favorite part of your story was the confrontation with the ghost, it was well described and put a vivd picture in my head. The best quality was definately how well the story flowed together, good job! Next time, I would describe the situation a bit more, but otherwise, keep up the great work!

Anonymous said...

Very cool Anna. When I first started reading I never would've expected it to turn into a ghost story.
The main character sort of changes throughout the story, but her mindset does. At first she thinks she's going crazy. Then she thinks there's someone in her house, and then she comes to the conclusion that it's actually a ghost. My favorite part of the story was where she finds that the knife has been moved again. "There was good news and bad news. I found my pen no problem. The bad news was the knife was gone." I think that the best quality of the story is how it kind of leaves you wondering what's going to happen next. I'd like to know what she does now that she knows it wasn't actually his girlfriend who killed him.

Anonymous said...

Anna, I really enjoyed your story. I didn't think it was going to be a ghost story at first. The plot was very well written, and it was descriptive. I think the main character changed from being frightened to wanting to help the ghost.
My favorite part was the article because it made everything come together and make sense.
If I had to suggest anything I would suggest to use better word choice.
Overall, this story was really good!

Anonymous said...

wow, that was a greay story. it was kind of creepy though. but i thought it was awesome. it made me feel scared but then hapy when the ghost came back and wanted to tell someone that he killed himself snd not his girlfriend.
i could see that the chracter got really creeped out but then figured out what was going on. she was very brave. without your chracter the story would have been really different.
my favorite patr was when she looked back in the drawer and the knife wasn't there any more. and it really creeped her out. my favorite line would be.."As if he was reading my mind he said, “I did.” i liked this line cause it seemed like the ghost and character were connecting somehow.
i think the best quality was how you put your story together. i really don't have any advice for you except that it was an awesome story. good job.

Anonymous said...

That was a really good story. It started off well and continued even better. I really liked the interpretation of what was going on to her. When the knife moved from where it was in the first place to a diferent location. The story explained well what she thought what she did that it culdn't be a murderer but a ghost. This continued the story really well.
The best quality of the story was the develpoment of the events. It continued well so that everything made sense. Great job!

Anonymous said...

Anna-
This story was really creative, I stayed with me so that I remebered what was happening the whole time. The story made me think about the people who die with huiilt and regrets. The main chararacter changed from thinking that the knife was nothing to realizing that it was a sign to help someone. The arc didn't really depend on the character's personality though. My favorite part was when she found the story of Jim and how he was murdered. "There, in the same place as it had been previously, was the knife." This line shows that the knife mysteriously reappeared back on the table and I thought that was intriguing.
I think this story's best quality was the plot. It had a well-built conflict and was resolved in a good way. For the future, I would suggest you to work more on character relationships because I didn't really understand why this man she didn't know would want her to clear his girlfriend's name. Overall, good story !

Anonymous said...

Wow! That was realy great! It was filled with mystery, and suspense. It made me feel like I was there, watching it all unfold. There was good description. The main character does change, from being scared, to just wanting to help. It was a good transition.

I think the stories best quality was it's description and suspense. The story flowed really well. my favorite quote was, "“Jim?” I asked. The figure nodded its head up and down. “What do you want me to do? How can I help you move on?” This is really catchy and makes the story real. I don't think there's anything I would change. Great job Anna!