The day my mother died was the hardest day of my life. I can still remember how hard it was for me to face the facts that I was all alone, with no money, no family, and without happiness. I fell into a bottomless depression that I didn’t want to come out of. I thought it was the only way to keep me safe, from myself and the world. I tried so hard to continue my life. I was still living at our loft in
I ended up staying with my friend Tansy in
“Tatum, pick yourself up and continue to live. 4I know life shouldn’t have turned out this way but you need to continue living. You only live once, so make the most out of it.”
Weeks went by, and I continued to work at the diner. I was only making minimum wage, and it wasn’t enough to live off of. Tansy notified me that she would be transferring to
I kept wondering why I was meant to be in this world. All I had, was a job, that barely let me get by, and myself. Actually I’m lying, I didn’t have myself either. I was lost and trapped and I felt that I couldn’t get out. I had began to get these horrific flashbacks from the day my mother was murdered.
I think it was around 6:30 when I came home from the grocery store. Mom and I were planning to have a girl’s night, since we hadn’t seen much of each other lately. She was so busy latley trying close a deal at work with one of her clients. I remember walking in through the front door, and seeing her there, covered in blood. I just froze. I thought,
“Could that really be my mom, and why am I not going to help her?”
I knew why, but I didn’t want to admit to myself she was dead. I exploded into tears, and ran to the phone to call 911. The rest of the night had become a blur to me.
The cops and investigators never found out who had murdered my mother, and he was still out there. One thing I do remember very well was my mother always telling me to do the right thing, even if I was in a slump; and I was, but I knew I had to do something about it.
A few months passed by. Tansy left last week, so I was now living at Sheens house until I found an apartment. I was feeling better, and not as freaked out as I had been lately thinking about my mother. I wanted to do something for her to let her know in someway I was looking after her. Later that week I decided to go to the town hall and talk to the mayor. I asked him if I could start a group called W.A.C.A.M. It was women against crime and murder in
In the first few weeks 7 women had signed up for my new group. I had finally developed some courage to talk to these women about the tragic thing that had happened to me. I was ready to listen to what they had to say as well. It actually felt good to get it of my chest and to talk to people what I had to go through to become the strong person I am today. Each of these women had a different story then me, but in ways they were similar. It was heartbreaking but I needed to hear, I wasn’t alone, and other people had lost a loved one as well.
It has been over two years now, since the day my mother was murdered. To this day the group and I continue to get together. We worked together to become strong people. We haven’t forgotten about out the people we lost, but celebrate their life, and think about the good they did to this world. I know I will never forget my mother, and what an amazing and wonderful person she was.
10 comments:
Tessa-
I really liked your story because I thought it was realistic. I liked that it wasn't all about happiness because that's not how it is in real life. If I was Tansy, I don't know how I would have ever gotten the image of my dead mother out of my head. You did a good job of characterization. Tansy learned to cope with her sadness and that things can get better. She turned something really negative into something that can benefit other people. My favorite part of the story was when the main character made the group. My favorite lines were "The day my mother died was the hardest day of my life. I can still remember how hard it was for me to face the facts that I was all alone, with no money, no family, and without happiness. I fell into a bottomless depression that I didn’t want to come out of. I thought it was the only way to keep me safe, from myself and the world." because i thought you picked really nice wording and i got a clear feeling of how depressed the main character was.
I think that the best quality of your story was the story line. You made your character overcome a challenge but in a realistic way. I think the only thing I would have changed was that I would have made Tansy and Sheen fall in love. Great story Tess!!
Tess,
When i first read your story i felt bad and sorry for the girl about losing her mother. I could picture how upset she was and not in the best spirit to doing anything but bum around. I think the story would be very different if the main character had not changed because in the beginning she was so upset and you felt bad but got sick of reading about it. In the end though i liked how she was starting to get her life back together. My favorite part of the story was when she formed a group for women who have gone through the things she went through. I liked it because she was finally dealing with the death of her mother and starting to move on. "I wanted to do something for her to let her know in someway I was looking after her." I enjoyed this quote because i thought it really showed that she was ready to move on but still wanted to do something for her mother that would mean alot to her mom. I think the best part of this story was when she decided to form a group for women going through what she was going through. I liked that she was there for other women and really started a bond with everyone and finally finding out that she wasn't alone in the world and she had people to talk to and be there for her. For next time i think you should give add more detail about the main conflict and tell the readers how the character felt going through it. Overall though i thought you did a great job and i really liked reading it!
Tessa-
I really enjoyed your story. My first reaction was to feel sorry for the pain character, her life seemed very difficult. I remember picturing the main character, all alone with no money and no place to live, and it was sad. The story made me feel bad for all the people who have to go through stuff like this in real life.
I think that over the course of the story, the main character really turned her life around and got back on track. This is important to the story, because it made the ending turn out happy.
"I knew why, but I didn’t want to admit to myself she was dead. I exploded into tears, and ran to the phone to call 911. The rest of the night had become a blur to me. The cops and investigators never found out who had murdered my mother, and he was still out there. One thing I do remember very well was my mother always telling me to do the right thing, even if I was in a slump; and I was, but I knew I had to do something about it." this is my favorite part of the story, because it is extremely descriptive. You really feel with the main character. Overall, I think the best part was how you showed such strong emotion in the characters. It was easy to tell what they were feeling, and you can relate to them. One thing I would do for next time is to add more dialogue and interaction between characters. Great story!
Tessa.
When I was reading your story I felt sad for the girl. That’s terrible, loosing her mother. I could tell with the description you used that she just wanted to be alone and not have anything to do with anyone.
I liked how the character changed form the beginning to the end. In the beginning she was sad and upset and didn’t want to be with anyone but herself. By the end she was happy and was like nothing had really happened.
My favorite part of the story was when Tansy was starting to become happy. I was getting bummed out that she was so depressed all of the time.
I think that the stories best quality is that you used a lot of description and It was something that could actually happen to someone. No ones life is perfect and you made that very clear.
One piece f advice I have is to just add a little dialogue. Great story!!!
Dear Tessa,
Your story was really good! It made me feel bad for Tatum because she had such a bad life. It must have sucked to have too depend on your friend like that, but to find out they were leaving and you had to find a place to live. I can remember that her mother was murdered, she was evicted out of her apartment, and she had to find a job and a place to stay. The gross thing I could picture was her poor mother and when she was crying hysterical on the phone. This story was showing that many bad things can happen but you have to stay strong. By opening up the group Tatum could let out her feelings and hear from others just like her.
In the story Tatum almost gives up but realizes she can’t and needs to stay strong. If Tatum was to not change she may have ended up homeless and with out anything.
My favorite part of the story was the ending because it was the happiest and you somehow knew that things would be ok. This occurred in the climax and was more specifically when she opened the group and realized she wasn’t alone. “It was heartbreaking but I needed to hear, I wasn’t alone, and other people had lost a loved one as well.” I chose this quote because it sums up everything I just said was the best part of the story.
The story’s best quality was how it seemed like nothing could ever go right, but then it does. Everything was sad until the ending where there was some light for the main character. The only thing I noticed was that there was a few spelling errors. So for next time make sure to proof read it a little better. Great story!!
WOW! that was a wiacked good story. i could actually feel what Tatum was feeling. The image that popped into my head while reading your story was when she saw he rmother covered in blood and ran to the phone to call 911. Your story made me think, what if that happened to me? i guess you just have to be thankful for what you have. the main character des chaneg over the course of the story. She actually chanegs a lot. she went from not being able to open up or talk or do anything for herself to beig open and even strting a new program for woman just like her.
my favortie part of the story was when she started that new program for womn that are going through something similar to her. that was my favorite part because it showed that she was feeling better about herself and everything. the best quality inthe stroy would ave to be the whole thing. i thought it was very well thought out and written. the conflict was very realistic and the solution too. i dont have any piece of advice for your story. i thought it was excellent.
Tess,
I really enjoyed reading your story. Your beginning and ending were so strong. It really brought the reader in. The description in the story was really good and the character development as well."I had finally developed some courage to talk to these women about the tragic thing that had happened to me. I was ready to listen to what they had to say as well. It actually felt good to get it of my chest and to talk to people what I had to go through to become the strong person I am today. Each of these women had a different story then me, but in ways they were similar. It was heartbreaking but I needed to hear, I wasn’t alone, and other people had lost a loved one as well. It has been over two years now, since the day my mother was murdered. To this day the group and I continue to get together. We worked together to become strong people. We haven’t forgotten about out the people we lost, but celebrate their life, and think about the good they did to this world. I know I will never forget my mother, and what an amazing and wonderful person she was." I really like this paragraph because it seems like Tatum accepted that her mom died be that she would never forget about her and she would still remember her birthday and the things that they did together. hearing all the description was my favorite part of the story. The main character does change over the course of the story. She changes from being all sad and depressed and not wanting to live to being happier and accepting. This was a really strong story and I enjoyed reading it. Great Job!
Tessa,
Wow girl, great story! At first it started out really sad, and I felt horrible for Tansy, but all that changed by the way you made your character grow. She started out weak and sad, but you made her become strong and confident. This changes the whole mood of the story, because at first it was sad and depressing, and in the end, she's helping other people, and she's happy about her life, and it's away for her to feel close and connected to her mother. I think that that was the best quality of the story, was the way it grew.
My favorite line was, I was ready to listen to what they had to say as well. It actually felt good to get it of my chest and to talk to people what I had to go through to become the strong person I am today.
I liked it because this was the point of the story where your character really started living again, I liked how she started to help other people.
The only think I would suggest, is to maybe make your story more "in the moment," don't just tell what happens, but use scenes to show it.
Your story was AMAZING and I loved reading it!
Tessa,
I really liked your story. I can't imagine what it must be like to grow up and live without your mother. The one person who teaches you the most important life lessons, and just seeing your mother dead infront of you must be even harder. The main character does change over the course of the story. First the girl is depressed about her mother being gone from her life, which I can't blame her, but she struggled through the pain, and eventually found happiness. My favorite quote from your story was, “It was heartbreaking but I needed to hear, I wasn’t alone, and other people had lost a loved one as well.” I liked this because it showed me that Tansy was not alone, and other people do go through some of the same things as you. No matter what, you're not alone in your life. I think that the best part of your story was the description you used. When I was reading your story I felt the emotion very well. Overall, your story was very well written and I think you did a great job. :)
Hey Tessa, this was a vey realistic story. Your characterazation was fantastic. It would take me along time to recover from seeing my dead mother."The day my mother died was the hardest day of my life. I can still remember how hard it was for me to face the facts that I was all alone, with no money, no family, and without happiness. I fell into a bottomless depression that I didn’t want to come out of. I thought it was the only way to keep me safe, from myself and the world." Everthing else was good.
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