Jack was a former high school football star. He was easily the best running back in the state of
Virginia. He had a lot of speed and he was a very strong back. He ran a 4.34 in the 40 yard dash. Jack had played for the McLean Highlanders. He brought his team to 3 state championships winning all` of them except for his senior year. He unfortunately had not been able to play in that game because he had pulled his groin in the last week of the season and he was devastated. That game his team had lost in a shut out to there rival. The score was 28 to 0.
Jack knew that he was going to play division 1 college but he didn’t know where. He had been offered a free ride to Michigan State, but he was not sure that he liked that school. The main reason why was because their team hadn’t been too great the last couple of years because all of there great players had been drafted into the NFL. He had turned down this school because of that reason. Jack had also been offered a full ride to some other colleges such as Ohio State, USC, LSU, and Miami University. Jack had been faced with many big decisions in his life and what college he was going to choose was going to be a big decision for Jack. He had been leading towards LSU because they had a good football program. Jack’s parents also wanted him to attend a college where it was also mainly about academics instead of just football. Jack had three weeks left to get back to Ohio State and LSU to tell them if he was going to go there. For USC and Miami he only had two weeks because the deadline for those two colleges was February 15th.
About a week went by Jack had declined Miami and USC. His parents had helped him so much with his decision and he was very thankful to them both. The college process had been very stressful for Jacks parents and him. Another couple of days went by and he was still trying to decide between Ohio State and LSU. Jack only had a few weeks left in high school. His parents had both agreed that they think LSU would be the better fit instead of Ohio State.
It was February 12th and Jack had finally made a decision. He got out his cell phone and he dialed the number. The phone rang a couple of times and the head coach of LSU picked up the phone.
“Hi, this is Jack from Mclean High School. I would like to let you know that I have made my decision and I’m going to play football for your team.”
The coach from LSU was very happy. He new that his team was going to be great this year. Jack and the coach had set up a day on a weekend that Jack would fly out to LSU and look at the college.
When Jack’s parents came home that day he told them the news. They were very happy with his decision. They celebrated that day by having his whole family come over and they had a party.
Jack’s first year a LSU was not as good as he expected. He realized that there was a few other very talented running backs at LSU. He basically did not play his whole freshman year and he was so frustrated that he was about ready to transfer to a different college. He really loved football and he did not know if he was going to be able to do this another year in a row. The running back that was starting over him was a sophomore and he was only a freshman. That meant that he was not going to be able to start until his senior year. At the end of the year he had a long discussion with the head coach of LSU. Jack told him that he was considering about transferring. The coach said it wouldn’t be a good idea because Jack could still get some playing time his next two years even though there was a running back better then him. Jack didn’t listen to the advice that the coach had given him and 1 week after their conversation Jack transferred to the University of Northern Colorado. At the start of his sophomore year Jack had the starting job easily. He knew he was going to play a lot but his team overall was not so good.
During training camp Jack heard some news that he could not believe. He had never been this angry at himself. The running back that was starting over him at LSU had injured his knee and his career was over. Jack remembered his conversation with the head coach of LSU and he new he should have waited for his opportunity to start. Jack new that there was no way the he could go back to LSU to play football so he just continued his career at the University of Northern Colorado. When Jack got older he always remembered the conversation that he had with the coach of LSU.
Jack was a former high school football star. He was easily the best running back in the state of 
8 comments:
I enjoyed reading your short story, Zak. I picked up that you know a lot about high school and college sports. It is good to write about what you know.
I really liked your story Zak. I was really suprised when I found out about the LSU quarterback once Jack had transferred schools. The story had a very important theme and it made me think a lot about it after I finished this piece of writing. I believe that the main character does change over the course of the story. This is because he didn't want to transfer schools in the beginning and wanted to stick with LSU but in the end he couldn't handle not playing and had to switch. I believe that the character picked up some negative qualities from the beginning to end of the story. My favorite part of the story was when Jack finally decided what college he wanted to go to because it was a very happy and uplifting part of the story. I believe the story's best quality was the title. "Ballin" isn't a title that appears very often and it attracted me to pick this story to read a lot more then any other story. I don't think you need to change anything about your story but one think I would suggest is to shorten the beginning of your story. The rising action seemed a lot longer then the other parts of the story. I really liked reading your story!
i really ejoyed reading your story Zak. after reading your story it made me thik that you dont always get what you want. this basically sucks at times. and also he must really regret not listening to the coach at LSU. to me, the character doesnt really change. but his attitude is very positive which is great. when he found out that the running at LSU was injured, he took it well. instead of getting angry, he just dealt with what he had and moved on.
My favortie part in your story is when Jack finally decided what college he wnted to go to. this is my favorite part becasue it showed that Jack was very smart and i liked how you included that he had his parents help him out choose what college to go to. wht do you think would happen if Jack didnt choose LSU as his choice?
i enjoyed reading your story. i was really surprised that the other back had hurt his knee right after he transferred. i liked the theme i thought it was very important and it made me think how crazy being a football player in college can be. i think that the caracter cahnges over the story because he started as i player that had all the playin time in the world, to not having any. i thought the character was a little stupid to transfer from LSU, which showed he created some negative qualities. my favorite part in the story was when he found out that he would of been starting a t LSU because it was just a smack in the face to the character and i thought it was funny. i think there is only a few spelling errors, but other than that i wouldn't change anything.
Zak I thought your story was really good. I thought the ending was the most memorable part, it showed that Jack should have had patience and waited. I think Jack did change over the course of the story. I think this because when he transferred he was impatient and just wanted to be the starter by the end he knew that if he had waited he would have played and could have been great. My favorite part was when he realized his mistake. I think the details of this story are its best quality. They show you know a lot about football. There isn't much I would change about your story but the beginning was very long. You put a lot of detail into the picking of the schools but thats probably beacause that was such a big decision. It was a reallly good story.
Zak,
YOur story was good and it was interesting to read. It seems like you know what your talking about when it come to colleges and football. Jack obviuosly didnt make that good of a decision. I dont think that he stuck to his get feeling. The strongest part about your story was you knowing so much about football and colleges that it made the reader feel like they were standing next to Jack helping him with the decision. My favorite part was " During training camp Jack heard some news that he could not believe. He had never been this angry at himself. The running back that was starting over him at LSU had injured his knee and his career was over. Jack remembered his conversation with the head coach of LSU and he new he should have waited for his opportunity to start. Jack new that there was no way the he could go back to LSU to play football so he just continued his career at the University of Northern Colorado. When Jack got older he always remembered the conversation that he had with the coach of LSU." i liiked this part of the story becuase Jack relized that he had just made a big mistake and he couldnt take it back. He wouold have ot learn from his mistakes. My advice to you is to make a more distinct problem in the story and to check your spelling and grammar. Other than that, it was a good story.
This is definitely a work of fiction. Anyone who knows McLean High School, knows that we haven't had a state championship in anything but Field Hockey. To say the football team has even gone to the playoffs, let alone the state playoffs and WON??!! It is a good story...
Interesting post you got here. I'd like to read a bit more about this topic.
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