The other team has the ball just a few yards away from the goal. Number 17 has the ball I read where her pass is going. I jump with my stick in the air and intercept the pass. I’m now sprinting down the field while dodging players left and right. I pass to an open player just ahead of me to my left. Give and go. She passes back to me and I take a few steps and shoot hard to the top left corner. Goal! That is just one example how one of my lacrosse games go. My lacrosse stick is very valuable to me. Yes it did cost 120.00 dollars, but I use it almost everyday. I got it for Christmas about 2 years ago. It’s black with some white and the netting is yellow and white. It’s made by the company harrow and is a solo which means that the head and shaft are connected as one. I think that spending money on something you really love and spend a lot of time on, then it’s worth the buy.
January 10th, it was a cold, winter day. It was snowing here and there. I get the chills and decided to make myself some hot chocolate. I opened the cabinet to get my favorite mug and the got the package of coco. I put on the sink, and let it run until the water was steaming hot. I added the water and coco into my mug, and then put it in the microwave for 30 seconds, so it would stay hotter for a longer period of time. Once I heard the buzz of the microwave I grabbed the mug and added 18 mini marshmallows. Then I carefully walked into the living room trying not to spill any over the edge. I turned on the fire and sat down on the couch. I snatched a cozy blanket just beside me and rapped chilled body around it. I turned on the TV and watched my favorite movie Mean Girls. My favorite movie is Mean Girls because it’s about girls roughly my age going through their high school career. It is about three bitchy girls who are very pretty and popular. Almost every girl wants to be like them. Then, there is this new girl named Cady, who moves from
I really can’t compare these two things. They are completely two different things, but both represent something great. They both give me a different feeling, but it is the best feeling in the world. They adrenalin you get from playing lacrosse is like a natural high. You can’t get any better than that. When I am relaxing by a fire and drinking hot chocolate while watching my favorite movie can’t really compare to anything else. Those two things are so valuable to and I wouldn’t trade moments for the world.
So, still wondering what value means? It means what you want it to mean. Anything could be valuable to you. Maybe it is a lacrosse stick or drinking hot chocolate, maybe even just spending time with your family. Value can be worth so much more than it is, but sometimes in a very good way. Value doesn’t always mean good, but when it does it is a wonderful feeling. People take things for granted, and make value so much more than it really is.
7 comments:
I really enjoyed this piece of writing. My favorite part was how well Madeline described her lacrosse game. Reading this part made me feel like I was right there watching the game. She used a lot of action and detail which really gave me a clear picture on what was happening at the scene.
I also liked how well she explained what she normally did before she watched her favorite movie. Although this description was written very nicely, I believe that she could have described why she liked this movie more. When Madeline explained what the movie was about, I clearly understood what happens throughout the movie. While i read this piece, I could tell how much thought and dedication went into writing it and I think Madeline did a very nice job.
Maddelineeee, great job. your essay was fantastic. the description of playing lacrosse makes me want to play it. i got a clear picture of you playing lacrosse and watching the movie. the one thing that i would suggest fixing is the way you described the movie. it seemed that you described the actual movie more than why you liked the movie. but, altogether, it was written very well. i liked the way you wrote it. GREAT JOB!!!
Maddie-
I really like the two things you decided to compare. Pretty much everyone can relate to the feeling of being nice and cozy with a steamy cup of hot chocolate on a cold winter day. Also a lot of students play lacrosse so they can easily realte to how valuable their stick is. For the other porportion of students who don't play lacrosse, like me, you made it easy for them to understand how you feel when your playing.
You ending your essay without saying which you like best did not make it bad. This leaves the reader thinking about what they value and what they would choose.
Both your lax stick and coxy winter day were equal in discription. If I had to choose, I would say that your discriptive paragraph about the feeling of being nice and warm while it is freezing outside was best. Personally I was able to relate better to this feeling.
Your stength in this essay is your conclusion. I love how you re-asked the question on what value is. You answered your thoughts in the introduction and sumerized what value ment to you.
Your essay was very good and my only advice to you is to remember to real aloud your story during the editing process. It will be easier to catch small mistaked when you hear them out loud.
Maddie,
I really liked this piece and I thought you did a great job with everything. While I read your essay I thought it was very obvious that you love playing lacrosse and cherish the moments drinking hot cocoa and watching Mean Girls. My favorite part was when you explained, in vivid detail, your playing time in lacrosse. It really felt like I was right there watching this happen. It was very clear to read.
I thought that the writing style and how the introduction and the conclusion paragraphs were connected and very nicely thought out. Next time, while writing an essay, don’t forget to re-read your piece and to stay on topic. GOOD JOB!
madeline,
your paper was very well written. You made it very personal and I could deffinitly picture you saying this in real life. I liked how your details were so specific for both objects. I also thought it was good that you included your personal view on what value is. The only thing I would change is that there is some unclear wording in the first paragraph. Great work!
Great job Madeline. Your essay was really good. You used a lot of detail and action to describe the game. You were really descriptive to give the reader a good picture of what you were talking about. I found very few spelling and grammar mistakes. You made it easy to people who don't play lacrosse to understand what you were talking about. The only thing i would say for you to change would be that some wording in the first paragraph was unclear. But, overall i thought it was a really good essay.
Madeline,
I really enjoyed reading your essay. The effort and time you put into it definitely shows. You clearly showed that you value both your lacrosse stick and drinking hot chocolate and watching Mean Girls. I thought you described the lacrosse scene very well. I felt like I was right there with you the entire time. I can relate to your essay because I also value my lacrosse stick. An overall strength in your essay is definitely detail and description. Everything was so well described that I could clearly picture it in my head. Besides a few wordy sentences, I really have no advice to give you. Overall it was fantastic essay. Good Job:]
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