Have you ever loved the sound of something and then you started getting nervous, this is what happened to me before I went knee boarding. We only go 15-20 miles an hour, but it feels much faster. This also happened to me with a computer. I love computers but sometimes they can be a pain. Other times you don’t know how you could live without one. Here are some of my memories about the lake, and why I live my computer.
One of my favorite moments in my life is when I go to my friend Ryan Loughery’s lake house. We have so much fun. Knee boarding, and tubing behind the Starcraft, that is the most powerful boat they have, and boat rides on the Whaler. The Starcraft waves are so big they send you flying up in the air. One time when I first learned to kneeboard it took me five tries to get up. It now only takes me 1. My forearms always kill after from trying to pull myself up. Tubing is so much fun, when you go over the waves the adrenaline rushes through you. It’s so much fun to be cannoned off the wave and go spinning into the water. One time when I was about to go off the wave I got to close to Ryan, I didn’t fall but if I did I would have nailed Ryan. As much as I like tubing I like knee boarding better. Falling off of a kneeboard doesn’t hurt at all but I was still a little hesitant. It did take me 5 tries but I eventually got up and went halfway around the lake. My forearms were absolutely dead by the time I got back because I didn’t lean back far enough. I’ll tell you a little story.
One afternoon after we had our annual water fight, we wanted to go out on the Starcraft and kneeboard. I had never gone knee boarding so I was a little bit nervous. We got into the cold 60-degree water. My brother and Ryan’s dad and brother took the boat out about 20 feet; Ryan and I got set to go. Ryan yelled go and we were off. The adrenaline rushed through me as I squirmed to get on the board. I got halfway and fell off. On the second, third, and fourth I fell, but then on the fifth one I got up and went about halfway around the lake. Some small waves were coming, I heard Ryan yell lean back but I didn’t get back fast enough. I went straight down into the water.
My favorite thing of financial worth is my computer. It lets me access the Internet and talk to people on AIM. My favorite website on the Internet is miniclip. Most of the games are action games. I love to play the racing games because the other cars are actually really good. In one racing game there are shortcuts so you can beat the other cars easily. AIM is good because I get to talk to people and it’s free. Texting on my phone costs money. And they might not be there. Some disadvantages to AIM are most people aren’t there.
As you can see they are both important to me. But which do I like more? I think being at the lake house is better than any computer money can buy. The lake house is fun with the tubing and the knee boarding and letting the wave go under the board, bouncing up and down, the tubing flying through the air. As you can see I really enjoy being at the lake house. My computer is still very important to me though. AIM lets me talk to my friends and the Internet lets me play games. Something I like to do in my free time. Now I can tell that moments at Ryan’s lake house are way more important to me than some stupid computer. If I ever have to choose between moments at the lake or a computer there is no comparison, I would go to the lake.
9 comments:
This was a really good essay. I liked the way you described the times when you went knee boarding.There was a lot of information and to me it felt like knee boarding is a lot of fun. It seemed that you have a lot of fun when you do that with Ryan.
I also liked the way you described the times when you go on your computer. You could of gave a little more information on what specific games you play, but overall this way a very good essay.
Philip -
This was a very good essay. It was very descriptive and had good use of vocabulary. I thought it was interesting that Ryan had a lake house. I never knew he had one. It sounded pretty fun to be there. The only thing I would revise is your introductory paragraph. The first sentence confused me a little. But other than that it was overall a great essay.
Phil, I can tell this essay was well written and you didn't just slap it all together the night before. You had plenty of details that gave me a picture of you and Ryan knee boarding. It seems like you have a lot of fun when you go up there. The introduction sentence really grabbed my attention. The stromngest part of your essay as probably when you were describing the adrenaline rush you get when you go knee boarding and tubeing. The ending wrapped the whole essay up very well. I would suggest that you describe your computer a little bit more, like how it looks and what model it is. But over all, i thought your essay was very enjoyable.
Great essay. i liked your description of what you do at the lake with ryan it sounds really cool. your discription of the wake the boat makes is good too. i agree with what you said about the computer too. if no ones on it gets pretty boring.
Phil,
This essay was quite confusing. you were a little repetative when you were talking about how many times it takes you to get up. One ting I liked was when you encorporated your friend into the essay. i thinkg you described the beach house pretty well.
To improve your essay i would say work on decriptive words and showing what is happeneing a little more. I did like how you ended the essay comparing your computer and the lake house. You knew what you liked more and you explained it very well. Good job.
Phil,
I think that you did a great job writing this essay. Your strong point in the essay was when you described the times at Ryan's Lakehouse. I knew exactly what you were talking about because you described it so well. You could have been a little clear when you were talking about the Starcraft and the Whaler. I had to assumek that you were talking about boats.
When you were talking about your times on the computer I felt like it was a lot less than the times at the lakehouse. you probably could have used a little more when describing your computer. I think that you did a great job though!
What you seemed to be saying about what is valuable to you is what you enjoy. The things that you most strongly value are going to the lake house and your computer. In your essay you described going to the lake house most vividly and clear. This was your priceless value.
In general, one of this essay's overall strengths is your description. What do you think would happen if you wrote more about your definition of what a value is? Your essay makes me think of the times when my family and I went boating.
Phil,
This essay was great. The decription in your first paragraph was really good. Although I think you could have elaborated on the second paragraph about kneeboarding. Also in that paragraph, you could have said Ryan a bit less and use "he." Other than that it was awesome. It was the best part of the essay.
I agree when you said that when no one else is on the computer, it gets boring. Also, I thought the final sentence was funny, about how you said that you are afraid to do the splits.
Hi Phil,
Your essay was well writen. I never knew you liked tubing so much.I think your write because a computer can get boring if you don't do somehting else.I think I would change your ending a little.You should write it to include the reader and get them to think about what they value.Overall I liked your essay.
Post a Comment