Thursday, January 31, 2008
The Boy’s Last Confession by Anna R.
I wake up sweating underneath my bed covers. I hear the noise again that has woken me up. I swing my legs over the side of the bed, and slip into my slippers. The noise starts to get louder as I take each step towards the door. I feel I am sweating once more as I reach my hand forward towards the door. I clasp the handle and turn it. The door makes a squeaking noise as I pull it towards me. I look out onto the forest. I can see no one on this dark and foggy night. I check one more time before I come to the conclusion that I was tired and it was making me hear things. I close the door and turn around and there it is, on the table, the knife that will haunt me forever.
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15 comments:
Whoa!
That was a good story anna!!!
The plot was interesting and well-written. Word choice and structure was amazing. I love the introduction. It was really descriptive and flowed nicely. If anything, I would add morea bout what happened after the boy disappeared. And the girl didn't seem freaked out by the fact that there was a ghost talking to her. You might want to add more of her actions at that point, like was she taken aback or more interested.
Good job!!! It was really amazing
Anna,
Your story was great. It made me think about a ghost show that I watch called Ghost Hunters. The one object that I remember from your story is the knife in the drawer. I think your main character in the story changes because in the beginning they thought that it was their imagination or they were dreaming. I would say that it is important that they changed because she now has opened her mind more.
My favorite part in the story occured in the climax because when the knife dissapeared you don't know who or what took it. "I pulled the drawer open. There was good news and bad news. I found my pen no problem. The bad news was the knife was gone. I spun around as quickly as I could."
I would say the best strength of the story would be the story arc because the rising action was great with the girl finding the knife and the climax where the knife was missing from her drawer. Next time I would suggest that you look at how you worded some parts of your story, so it makes more sense. Fantastic job Anna!
First off this was a great story. I thought it was wierd how the knife kept reappearing. It doesn't really make me believe in ghosts or anything like that. THos story made me think about how ghosts aren't real. The main character really doesn't change through the story. There is no reason for the person to change. Nothing is wrong with her, she is just being haunted by a ghost to tell the truth. My favorite part is when She puts the knife in the drawer, and it comes out again. I think the storys best trait is that it has a whole story arc. Advice to put out is to add more description.
HEY ANNA!!
Your story was amazing. I made me think of different ghost movies I’ve seen before. I remember the image of the knife sitting on the table. In the beginning of your story your character was paranoid and thinking that there was someone out to kill them, but in the end the narrator realizes it’s a ghost becomes more clam.
My favorite part was when the ghost appeared in the rising action. “All of a sudden it got cold; it was as if I went right into the Artic weather. I turned around to face the table, and there sitting on it was a young man.” This stood out to me because I thought it had good detail, and in all movies I’ve ever seen with some ghost in it, it always get cold. I think the strength of your story was the conflict because it was the most detailed part. Next time I would work on your wording some parts were a little confusing, but other than that it was great!
Wow Anna that was great! I don't usually enjoy ghost stories, but this was a really good one! I enjoyed the plot and I think it was a really well-written piece. Your character development flowed nicely and I enjoyed hearing their thoughts about what was happening. She went from being the scared character to the strong and bold ghost catcher.
My favorite part of the story would have to be the ending. I thought it was sweet that your character decided to help the ghost that had been scaring her move on. Overall, I think your plot was the strongest and if I had to suggest anything, I would suggest looking at your word choice.
Hey Anna!!
I really loved your story. It was so intriguing that I didn't want it to end. The plot was really well-written and you put just enough description.
My favorite part was the beginning because you described every little thing your character did. It helped me to put a clear image in my mind. Another great thing I noticed was your word choice. It was really good, and knowing you it is really really good.
I would definitely expand the conclusion. Although you ended it well, I though I was left hanging. Overall, your story was very intriguing and very descriptive. Great Job!!!
Holy cow!
That was an amazing story! I was really impressed that you got me so involved with the story. Your word choice made me feel like I was the character being chased by that ghost. The plot was rich and I thouroughly enjoyed reading it.
Way to go, Anna!
Wow Anna, that story was amazing! Throughout the whole thing I was going insane trying to figure out what was going to happen next. At first I thought that the person was going to kill somebody. But I thought that it was really cool how you incorporated ghosts into the story. I would've never thought of that.
I also thought that it was really cool how the person main character went from being scared to trying to trying to help the ghost. I think my favorite part of the story was when the main character figured out what was happening. It was really beginning to freak me out, and I thought that the ghost and the suicide was a really cool way to resolve what was happening.
I think that the best part of the story was all of the descriptions. I felt like I was actually there, watching and experiencing what was happening with the main character.
Next time, I would try to incorporate some more detail on what happened in your conversation with the ghost. I would've liked to hear more of that conversation.
Overall this was an amazing story and I am really glad that I got to read it.
hey anna,
Your story was really good! This story made me think about a murder mystery or a C.S.I. episode. Your character changed because at the end, she began to accept reality and that something was happening with the knife. If she didn't, the murder wouldn't have been solved. My favorite part of your story was the confrontation with the ghost, it was well described and put a vivd picture in my head. The best quality was definately how well the story flowed together, good job! Next time, I would describe the situation a bit more, but otherwise, keep up the great work!
Very cool Anna. When I first started reading I never would've expected it to turn into a ghost story.
The main character sort of changes throughout the story, but her mindset does. At first she thinks she's going crazy. Then she thinks there's someone in her house, and then she comes to the conclusion that it's actually a ghost. My favorite part of the story was where she finds that the knife has been moved again. "There was good news and bad news. I found my pen no problem. The bad news was the knife was gone." I think that the best quality of the story is how it kind of leaves you wondering what's going to happen next. I'd like to know what she does now that she knows it wasn't actually his girlfriend who killed him.
Anna, I really enjoyed your story. I didn't think it was going to be a ghost story at first. The plot was very well written, and it was descriptive. I think the main character changed from being frightened to wanting to help the ghost.
My favorite part was the article because it made everything come together and make sense.
If I had to suggest anything I would suggest to use better word choice.
Overall, this story was really good!
wow, that was a greay story. it was kind of creepy though. but i thought it was awesome. it made me feel scared but then hapy when the ghost came back and wanted to tell someone that he killed himself snd not his girlfriend.
i could see that the chracter got really creeped out but then figured out what was going on. she was very brave. without your chracter the story would have been really different.
my favorite patr was when she looked back in the drawer and the knife wasn't there any more. and it really creeped her out. my favorite line would be.."As if he was reading my mind he said, “I did.” i liked this line cause it seemed like the ghost and character were connecting somehow.
i think the best quality was how you put your story together. i really don't have any advice for you except that it was an awesome story. good job.
That was a really good story. It started off well and continued even better. I really liked the interpretation of what was going on to her. When the knife moved from where it was in the first place to a diferent location. The story explained well what she thought what she did that it culdn't be a murderer but a ghost. This continued the story really well.
The best quality of the story was the develpoment of the events. It continued well so that everything made sense. Great job!
Anna-
This story was really creative, I stayed with me so that I remebered what was happening the whole time. The story made me think about the people who die with huiilt and regrets. The main chararacter changed from thinking that the knife was nothing to realizing that it was a sign to help someone. The arc didn't really depend on the character's personality though. My favorite part was when she found the story of Jim and how he was murdered. "There, in the same place as it had been previously, was the knife." This line shows that the knife mysteriously reappeared back on the table and I thought that was intriguing.
I think this story's best quality was the plot. It had a well-built conflict and was resolved in a good way. For the future, I would suggest you to work more on character relationships because I didn't really understand why this man she didn't know would want her to clear his girlfriend's name. Overall, good story !
Wow! That was realy great! It was filled with mystery, and suspense. It made me feel like I was there, watching it all unfold. There was good description. The main character does change, from being scared, to just wanting to help. It was a good transition.
I think the stories best quality was it's description and suspense. The story flowed really well. my favorite quote was, "“Jim?” I asked. The figure nodded its head up and down. “What do you want me to do? How can I help you move on?” This is really catchy and makes the story real. I don't think there's anything I would change. Great job Anna!
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